Humanity. Not sainthood.

You’ve heard it. Usually at funerals.  Friends are asked to share some thoughts or remembrances of the dearly departed.  And I know how hard that can be to get up in front of a crowd of people, with emotions stirred and unstable.  Nerves also kick in.  A little note page is unfolded and away we go.

Invariably, on all but very rare occasions, you will hear comments like, “She was always smiling.”  “She never complained.”  “He had nothing but good things to say about people.”  “She was always so sweet.”

I think to myself. Wow, this person is a saint.  She ALWAYS smiled?  She NEVER complained?  What? She never got upset when the toilet backed up all over the hallway carpet and down the stairs?  She was smiling even through that root canal?  She didn’t complain when she had to work those eleven hour days? Really???

In my occasional role conducting funerals, I’ve coached folks who are encumbered with the responsibility of delivering the eulogy.  “Please,” I say to them, “don’t use the words ‘always’ or ‘never’ in your description of them.  Because it’s rarely, if ever, true.  And it also carries the sense that you’re trying to single-handedly get them into heaven.”

This was brought home to me early in my ministry when I pastored in San Diego.  A young woman had passed away of a particularly painful disease, and her good friend brought the eulogy.  I distinctly remember the words, “Despite the daily battle with pain, she never cried. She never complained.”  Wow, I thought.  That’s a strong woman.

But after the service, as we were having lunch together and all the funerary pretense was dropped, this same friend, talking to her friends laughed as she talked about how the deceased woman monku’d (complained) all the time.  It was in direct contrast to her comments during the eulogy.  And to be fair, this was another example of an extreme.  As unlikely as it was that she NEVER complained.  It was also unlikely that she complained ALL the time.

I don’t know what it is about death.  It may give us a momentary glimpse of a person’s value and importance in our lives.  As you watch television interviews and hear people talk about someone who was taken abruptly by death, you will invariably hear those words:  always and never.  

I will bet you money!

As author Wendell Johnson says, “'Always' and 'never' are two words you should always remember never to use.”